Graduation Thoughts

I graduated from college on Saturday. It was not exciting, but really was just an indication that my life is continuing to go on. I was not moved by the speakers and I felt like they did not speak to my experiences. Their words seemed trite and specific to their lives. I felt more of a connection to the girl I had never met before in my life who was sitting next to me than I did to Jennie Finch, do not even care if I spelled her name right, a Gold medal winning Olympian in softball. She seems like a nice woman, but whatever. Athletes as a graduation speaker. School is not about sports. I think that when people argue for sports as being central to school it is false. I believe that sports should be available for social purposes, but in reality a degree will get most students much further than any type of sporting career. This blog is not about sports though. It is about more change. My time in Tucson was fun while it was going on, but now that it is over I am sad and nostalgic about leaving. I can see myself returning for work, but temporarily being relocated back in Phoenix makes me feel weird about reverting to my childhood by being at my parent's home after obtaining a degree. I think that my time in Canada was beneficial to serve as a buffer between Tucson and arriving back in Phoenix, but the week in Tucson before graduation really showed me how much I am going to miss my undergraduate career. Life was not fun due to being wealthy for damn sure... it was made through good friends and overcoming obstacles to succeeding. I only hope that life continues to operate in this manner.

Update.

I found out that my friend is converting to Mormonism today. I decided to have my records removed from the church. I talked with my mom about it. She is going to be alright, but she is sad. My sexuality she knows is not up for discussion. She still thinks that I primarily act for the approval of others.

I have a housing assignment for school in Canada. I am going to be leaving in the middle of August. I am excited about the change. Three more weeks of school. I am less than a month out from the end of the semester including finals week. I am so ready for finals to be over it isn't even funny. Luckily, summer school is ready to fill the slot. College is fun, but I wish I had a break. I guess graduating will be satisfying. Maybe it will help me get a better job. Who knows? I don't know. I am glad that I am learning more about the world around me, that can never hurt.

Spring Break update.

Currently Listening Go [With Bonus Track] By Vertical Horizon see related

My undergraduate studies

So, I applied for this program where I would be shipped off to Canada or Mexico for a semester. Sounds like a good plan. Plus, they will give me some money to subsidize the cost of my living. I was really excited when I found out that I was accepted. I have studied really hard for the past 3 years so having an experience to live outside the United States, even if it is just Canada, is a neat opportunity.

I also found out that it is going to be my last semester and I started scrambling for completing the necessary steps to insure that I will be fine in order to graduate. Graduating appears to be a complicated process. Plus, there are so many little ways that they are able to make it difficult, or nearly impossible to allow students to graduate in 4 years anymore. I am trying to graduate after the completion of 7 semesters. I don't know if it is even practical, but my parents are helping me with the costs, so I guess I should go along.

Beyond this, nothing much is really happening. I am still trying to figure out specifically what I want to do with my life. The 18-25 year old time period seems like a period for growth and identity formation. I just hope that the decisions I am making now are bringing me closer to what I want to be in the future.

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION:
I am going to be living in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada in the fall. I didn't make that clear. When I applied for the program I was able to pick Canada or Mexico. Mexico I needed to speak fluent Spanish and I don't so I decided to go to Canada instead.

Reevaluation of Relationships

Last week I went to IHOP for coffee with a man who was a bit older and more trained in the ways of dating. It was really interesting talking to him because he had such a different view of relationships. As we were talking he had mentioned so many ex-boyfriends that he had had in since he has started dating. He does not believe that people are supposed to be completely stationery with the same person for their whole life. If you go into a relationship and clearly state the terms from the beginning it allows both parties to leave the relationship without hating the other. So, when he moved here from California, he broke up with his boyfriend but they are still really good friends. While he believes that sex is just sex, not making love, I stated that it is hard to determine the difference for some individuals. For me, I know that sex will never operate in that fashion. Sex is the determining factor for whether I am interested in a long term relationship. If I can't see myself being comfortable having sex with them after dating for a while then we are not meant to be together.

The reason this conversation was so interesting for me is that for the first time I could see the argument of individuals who do not think that life time monogamy is necessarily the best option for gay men. I had never heard it articulated as clearly as he was able to. So what am I going to do differently because of this situation? First, I am not going to be looking for my husband right now. I need to just date for now. I do not think I am going to be living in Arizona for my whole life so it is ridiculous to be looking for a lifetime commitment. I also am starting to breakdown my obsession with perfection. I am not perfect, neither should my boyfriend be perfect. I will need to overlook their imperfections if I expect them to overlook mine.